Kick It Old School, Fire Navy!
by MissWorded
Summary: Gotta sing, gotta dance... what do you think REALLY happens on Music Night? [Interlude: Bachelor's Medley. Aang has lost Katara to Zuko, leaving him heartbroken and downhearted. Can a boy's night out change all that? Read and find out!]
1. Confessions of a Broken Heart

Okies! So here I am, promising myself that I will **_NOT_**, under **_ANY_** circumstances, post anything else until I finished my other story and here I go, posting this spoof-a-licious piece, featuring Music Night. Shame on me.

_A little about this piece:_  
** 1**) This is not to be taken seriously.  
** 2**) I've only been watching Avatar since the marathon around Thanksgiving, but I am already a committed Zutara fan, with special thanks to Red November's fic, Love Thy Enemy.  
** 3**) Yes, that was a shameless plug.  
** 4**) No, I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. Thanks a WHOLE bunch for reminding me, JERK!  
** 5**) Also, I do not own Confessions of Broken Heart, sung by Lindsay Lohan. I just heard it, and was like, hey! Total Zuko - Ozai connection!  
A light-hearted spoof on the Fire Navy's Music Night. Read at your own mental impairment.

In the infamous words of fanfic author Gyrax: it's parody time!

* * *

_Our favorite exile has come to realize the value of music._

**Iroh:** Eh... Zuko?

**Zuko: **_(speaking to crew)_ Yeah, and I'd like a scarlet spotlight, with the backdrop of the heart broken into two halves... perfect! ...Yes, Uncle?

**Iroh:** Don't you think this song is perhaps... a little... _(sighs heavily) _How do I put this delicately?

**Zuko:**_(patented Eye-Narrowing Glare Technique_)

**Iroh:** ...out of your vocal range?

**Zuko:**_ (brightens considerably) _Oh, don't you worry! Actually, um, Bill? – oh, sorry Bob - I'm having second thoughts about this spotlight... I need more of a, "I'm A Sensitive Guy in Serious Familial Conflict, But I Will Still Agni-Kai Your Ass If Necessary" kind of spotlight, you know what I mean?

**Bob:** Sure thing, Mr. Z!

**Iroh**: (_muttering) _Agni save us all...

_Music cue... _

**Zuko:**

I wait for youuuu –  
To un-exile me-eee...  
I gotta capture the Avatar  
So I can set myself free-eeeeee...  
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders  
Family in crisis that only grows older  
Why'd I have to go?  
Why'd I have to go?  
Why'd I have to go - !

Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
I am broken, but I am hoping -  
Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
I am crying, a part of me's dying -  
And these are,  
These are the confessions  
Of a broken heart...

And I wear all your armor  
Your iron helmet...  
I dream of another you  
One who would never, never  
Leave me alone  
To pick up the pieces  
Daddy to hold me  
That's what I needed  
So why'd I have to go?  
Why'd I have to go?  
Why'd I have to go?

Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
I don't know you, but I still want to -  
Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
Tell me the truth  
Did you ever love me?  
'Cause these are, these are,  
The confessions  
Of a broken heart  
Of a broken heart

I love you...  
I love you...  
I love you...  
I, I love you!

Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
I don't know you, but I still want to  
Zuko to Ozai!  
Zuko to Ozai!  
Tell me the truth  
Did you ever love me?  
Did you ever love me?  
These are -  
The confessions  
Of a broken heart!

Oh... yeah  
And I wait for youuuu...

To un-exile me-eeee...

* * *

Don't worry. Being mentally impaired isn't _that_ bad. And if you aren't quite there yet, don't worry! There is a high possibility of myself spoofing another song.  



	2. Ain't No Mountain High Enough

**Iroh:** That was... enlightening?

**Zuko:** Thank you, Uncle.

**Random Guard:** OMFGICBINB! The Avatar's here!

**Zuko:** Good. I've got something to tell him. Barty - _sorry_, Bill, I _swear_ I'll work on that... I want this spotlight to be fun and spunky, okay? Backdrop of... I don't know... a cerulean/turquoise-ish komodo rhino with starry eyes? Yeah, that's good...

**Aang: **Zuko, you've oppressed innocent civilians, tried to have me captured, and – WORST of all – inspired HUNDREDS of badly written fan-fictions with the same reoccurring plot! (shudders violently) SHAME ON YOU! Not even to MENTION how you wear your hair...

**Sokka: **YEA!

**Zuko:** I resent that hair comment...

**Aang:** What? Everybody knows bald is beautiful.

**Katara:** (looks at Zuko) (blushes)

**Sokka:** Fer cripe's sake...

**Katara: **NOT MY FAULT!

**Zuko:**  
Listen Avatar...

Ain't no mountain high,  
Ain't no valley low,  
Ain't no river high enough, Av-y...

You know that I'll get you  
No matter where you are,  
No matter how far

**Katara, Bob/Bill/Barty, Iroh, Random Guard, Sokka:**  
Don't worry Av-y!

**Zuko:**  
Just help the victims,  
I'll be there in a hurry,  
You don't have to worry  
'Cause Av-y there -

Ain't no mountain high enough!  
Ain't no valley low enough!  
Ain't no river wide enough!  
To keep me from getting to you Av...

Remember that day  
My father scarred me,  
That's when I found out you're the key, Av-y...

From that day on  
I made a vow  
I'll be there to get you,  
Someway, somehow!

'Cause Av-y there -

Ain't no mountain high enough!  
Ain't no valley low enough!  
Ain't no river wide enough!  
To keep me from getting to you Av...

No wind,  
No rain,  
Or winter's cold.  
Can stop me Av-y.  
Ooooh no...  
Cause you are my goal  
If you're ever in trouble  
I'll be there on the double  
Just help the victims, Av-y...  
Oh, Av-y  
Help them out, Oh Av-y...

My honor's alive  
Way down in my heart  
Although from my nation I'm apart...

If you ever need a helping hand  
I'll be there on the double  
Just as fast as I can

Cause don't you know that there -

Ain't no mountain high enough! Ain't no valley low enough!  
Ain't no river wide enough!  
To keep me from getting to you Av...

* * *

There is, yes, GASP! a plot! And for the Zutara homies out there... I'm with you. I just need a new plot. For GOD'S SAKE, think of SOMETHING ELSE. 

And as for what Random Guard says... Oh my frolicking gills, I can't believe it's not butter. Yeah, totally made that up.


	3. Azula

**

* * *

**

**Song**: "Lucky" by Britney Spears becomes "Lucky" by Iroh. Definitely gonna have some Zute action. (AKA Zutara action. Definitely.)

**

* * *

Zuko:** I will get you, Av-y! RAWR!

**Aang:** Eep!

**Sokka**: Aang, don't even worry about Zuko capturing you. I mean, who would be afraid of him when Azula's skulking about? With her crazy-creeping blue firebending...

**Katara:** You do have a point.

**Iroh:** I know my niece better than anyone. She's really just misunderstood.

**Aang, Sokka, Katara, Random Guards, Bob/Bill**: (dubious looks)

**Iroh**: No, seriously.

**Random Guard**: C'mon Iroh. The Day of the Fool was last April already.

**Iroh**: Obviously, the only way to express myself... is in... _song... _Hit it Jee.

**Jee**: (on the Sungi horn) You know it. (cue mad warm-up riff)

**Iroh**:  
This is a story about a girl named Azula...

Early morning, she wakes up  
and knock knock knock on the door  
It's time for bending, evil smile  
And it's her they're all waiting for  
Baby...  
Isn't she lovely, this princess of fire?

And they say...  
She's the best of - her relations  
And she fry, fry, fries all the other nations; thinking  
If there's nothin' missing in my life  
Then why do these tears come at night?

Lost in an image, in a dream,  
But there's no one there to wake her up  
And the world is spinning, and she keeps on winning  
But tell me, what happens when it stops?  
baby...  
Isn't she lovely, this princess of fire?

And they say...

She's the best of her - her relations  
But she fry, fry, fries alllll the other nations, thinking  
If there's nothin' missing in my life  
Then why do these tears come at night?

Isn't she lovely, this Princess of Fire?  
She is so lucky, but why does she cry?  
If there is nothin' missing in her life  
Why do tears come at night?

**Jee:**  
(owns the Sungi horn in his solo)  
**  
Iroh:**  
She's the best of her - her relations  
But she fry, fry, fries all the other nations, thinking  
If there's nothin' missing in my life  
Then why do these tears come at night?

She's so lucky (she's so lucky)  
And she fry, fry, fries all the other nations, thinking  
If there's nothin' missing in my life

Then why do these tears come at night?

* * *

OMFG! Did Azula kill Iroh? Cause if she did, I'll mace that bitch! This chapter is dedicated to him, btw. Ha, you know what's really ironic? I'm dedicating a spoof-fic to Iroh because he was hurt by Azula and I hate her, but it's about Iroh's sympathy for Azula. 


	4. Aggravated

**The Four Nations Music Hall... now hosting ZUKO with his hit song, "Aggravated"!

* * *

Zuko: **Well, Uncle... that was... um...

**Iroh: **Beautiful? Awe-inspiring? Breath-taking?

**Zuko:** Er... interesting.

**Iroh:** (wilts)

_Meanwhile... Katara is bursting with a secret. _

**Katara:** Sokka... Aang... I just can't keep it a secret anymore.

**Sokka: ** Omigod. Omigod. Is this about the Christmas party, Kat? Because if it is, you promised you wouldn't tell!

**Katara:** Er... no. Well... I'm in love, you see.

**Aang:** (thinking) _YESS! Suck on that, Zuko! _

**Sokka:** WHO IS HE? I'LL KILL HIM!

**Katara:** Well...

**Sokka and Aang:** Just say it!

**Zuko:** (popping up behind Katara) It is I, fools!

**Aang:** NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

**Sokka:** NEVER! (lunges) (is sedated by Iroh)

**Katara:** Sorry I didn't tell you. But I was soooo nervous something like this would happen!

**Zuko:** (hugs her from behind) Don't worry love. I'll explain everything to your stupid brother. Barty, I need mic support, NOW!

**Bob/Bill/Barty:** Aye aye!

**Sokka:** Gurgle...

**Zuko:**  
Chill out whatcha yelling' for?  
Lay back it's all been done before  
And if you could only let it be,  
You will see -  
I'd been watching from afar  
She don't care about the scar  
But you're talking to me one on one  
and you've become -

Somebody else  
Scarin' everyone else  
You're watching her back  
Like you can't relax  
You're tryin' to be cool  
You look like a fool to me  
Tell me -

Why do you have to go and make things so aggravated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
You peek  
And you sneak   
You're a flake!  
And you fake what you get  
And you turn it into trickery

Promise I'm never gonna find you spying...  
**  
The Fantastickettes – er, Bob/Barty/Bill, Iroh, and Jee**:  
No, no, no...  
**  
Zuko:**  
You come over unannounced  
Sayin that I am denounced -  
Where you are ain't where it's at you see  
You're making me  
Scowl when you lecture me and her  
Now that we're toge-e-e-ther  
You know you're not fooling anyone  
When you've become

Somebody else  
Scarin' everyone else  
You're watching her back,  
Like you can't relax  
You're trying to be cool you  
You look like a fool to me  
Tell me -

Why do you have to go and make things so aggravated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you  
You peek  
And you sneak  
You're a flake!  
And you fake what you get  
And you turn it into trickery  
Promise I'm never gonna find you spying..

No, no...

**The Fantastickettes:**  
No, no, no...**  
Zuko:**  
No, no...

**The Fantastickettes:**  
No, no, no...

**Zuko:  
**No, no...

Chill out whatcha yelling for?  
Lay back, it's all been done before  
And if you could only let it be  
You will see

Somebody else round everyone else  
You're watching her back, like you can't relax  
You're trying to be cool, you look like a fool to me  
Tell me!

Why do you have to go and make things so aggravated?  
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated  
Life's like this you -  
You peek  
And you sneak  
You're a flake!  
And you fake what you get  
And you turn it into trickery

Promise I'm never gonna find you spying...

**The Fantastickettes:**  
No, no!

**Zuko:**  
Why do you have to go and make things so aggravated?

**The Fantastickettes:**  
Yeah yeah!

**Zuko:**  
I see the way you're acting like your somebody else gets me frustrated!  
Life's like this you  
You peek  
And you sneak   
You're a flake -  
And you fake what you get  
And you turn it into trickery

Promise I'm never gonna find you spying...  
No, no, no...


	5. Interlude: Bachelor's Medley

**_Interlude: Bachelors' Medley_**

* * *

Now that Aang has officially lost to Zuko in the race for Katara's heart, the other spinsters decided to take him out for a few rounds, despite all of them being under the legal drinking age. As it just so happens, they go to a karaoke bar! 

The scene opens with none other than our dear Jet at the microphone…

**Jet:**  
A little bit of 'Zula, in my life;

A little bit of 'Tara, by my side;

A little bit of Yue's all I need;

A little bit of Suki's what I see;

A little bit of Tai Lee, in the sun;

A little bit of Mei, yeah all night long;

A little bit of Gran-Gran, here I am;

A little bit of you makes me your man…

**Gran-Gran:** Er… it's not you, it's me…

**Jet: ** Thank you, thank you, good people of The Head of the Fire Lord Pub! (flourishing bow ) (is knocked out by shoe)

**Bob? Bill? Barty?: **Thank you, powers that be…

**Sokka:** (muttering) Serve him right… Aang, why don't you get up and do a number? It'll make you feel better, I promise.

**Aang: **(moan)

**Sokka: ** All right, I guess I'll have to demonstrate….

Can't touch this  
Can't touch this  
Ya can't touch this  
Can't touch this

My my my boomerang keeps me  
Healthy  
Makes me say Oh Agni  
Thank you for blessing me  
With a mind to fight  
And two quick feet

It feels good  
When you know you're down  
A super-dope homeboy from way down town  
And I'm known as such  
And this is a beat, uh, you can't touch –

I told you, Zuko -  
Can't touch this  
Yeah, that's how we livin' and you know….  
Can't touch this  
Look at my skillz, man  
Can't touch this  
Ya know let me bust the funky lyrics -

**Aang:** Spirits help me… both kinds.

Meanwhile –

**Sokka:**

Can't touch this

Break it down!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh  
Oh, oh ,oh, oh, oh!  
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!  
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

Stop – SOKKA TIME!

"Get off the mike, amateur!"

**Aang:** Gasp! It's Master – er… guy from the North Pole!

**Master Pakku: **(Twitch). Let me show you how it's done on the North Side, beeyotch…

Let's kick it!  
Ice, ice, baby…

All right stop –

Collaborate and listen  
Ice is back with my brand new invention

Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Flows like a harpoon daily and nightly

Will it ever stop?  
Yo, I don't know

Turn off the lights  
And I'll flow

To the extreme I rock water like a Master  
Freeze up the stage and watch me bend even faster –

**Roku:** Those waterbenders, always so cocky…

**Aang:** GASP! Avatar Roku!

**Roku:** It is I. Now… it is time… to _rock._

**Master Pakku:** Avatar, sir?

**Roku:** Let's shred it…

Ohhhhhh….  
Ohhhhh….  
Ohhh -

Everybody was firebending  
You know many battles were ending  
The Fire Nations troops were rending  
Away losers we were sending  
There was the freaky Water Tribe  
From freaky down below  
There was Earth Nation too  
Til we had a giant coup  
It's an ancient kick-ass art

And every body knew their part –

**Aang: **Um… there never was a gigantic wave of coups in the Earth Nation… and aren't you supposed to remain subjective, sir?

**Roku:** Looks like someone doesn't want my awesome advice anytime in the near future…

**Aang: **Roku, wait!

**Roku:** No, Aang, we are OVER! You just keep walking all over me! I don't even know who I am anymore! It's like your trying to make me an incarnation of YOU!

**Aang: **But Roku -

**Roku: **STOP SMOTHERING ME! (rushes out of the bar and slams the door)

**Aang**: How did I screw up my life so badly? First Katara, then Roku… who's next? APPA?!

**Appa:** Er… rawr. (Translation: Aang, I have something to confess.)

**Aang:** Whatcha talking about, Appa old buddy, old pal, old friend of mine? My true blue? Mi amigo?

**Appa:** Rawr lawl… roorm. (Momo and I… are eloping.)

Rawl darw  
Arp rawr!

(Going to the chapel  
And we're gonna get married!)

**Aang:** WHAT?!

**Sokka:** Hey Aang… I know I said I was gonna take you out tonight and do some male bonding… but Suki just texted me… so, um… see ya later? (leaves)

**Jet:** Yo, Avatar… catch ya later! I gotta go entertain this nice young lady here…

**Tai Lee: ** (giggles)

**Aang:** So, uh, going to stick around long, Gran-gran?

**Gran-gran:** Sorry, kid. Even I've got plans. (exits)

**Aang:** Oh. Well, see you around. (sigh) Being the Avatar is such a big responsibility… always alone… (looks plaintively out of the window)

"One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do…"

* * *

Awww. Poor Aang. But seriously, that last part was supposed to be REALLY corny. Where he looks out the window and stuff. So don't be sad for Aang. Be happy! He's corn-tastic! 

Songs quoted in this chapter include:

"Mambo #5" by Lou Vega,

"Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer,

"Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice,

"Kung-fu Fighting" by Carl Douglas.

That chapel song by whomever.

"One" by Three Dog Night.

None of which I own. Maybe next time, Vanilla Ice. Maybe next time.


End file.
